Do’s and Don’t


  • Be present, be a support(er), be there to lean on.
  • Listen but do not judge/talk. (people need to talk about their loss, share the pain)
  • Share memories, good and bad.
  • Use the name of the absent.
  • Make something happen : make a meal, write a card, help with driving, run errands,…
  • Say :
    • How do you feel today?
    • Would you like to talk about it?
    • It’s ok to be sad.
    • I am sorry.
    • I can not imagine how hard this is for you.
    • I wish you strength.


  • Don’t avoid the griever.
  • Don’t try to find something positive about the death.
  • Don’t change the subject when the person who has died is mentioned.
  • Don’t avoid mentioning the dead person for fear that you will remind them of their pain.
  • Don’t avoid for fear ; that will make the situation worse. Best to be honest about how you feel.
  • Don’t try to cheer the grieving person up.
  • Don’t say
    • I know how you feel.
    • It was Gods will,.
    • Look at Jane, her situation is worse.
    • He/She is in a better place now.
    • I understand.
    • You should …
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